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Before I had my babies I was a preschool teacher. I had children that were extremely polite and then there were ones that were not so polite. Please and thank you were not regular words we would hear from them. I remember thinking that I wanted to make sure that when I had children I taught them good manners. I wanted them to know that saying please and thank you not only showed people gratitude but it was a sign of respect.
Manners to me are a big deal. In the world today it is all me me me. There are less and less children that use manners. I love that people from the south still strongly enforce ma’am and sir in their everyday language. It teaches children that even though you may not know someone they deserve your respect. Plus manners is one of the easiest ways to show kindness.
My 3 year old regularly uses please and thank you. I love that it is just a part of who she is. It took work and reminding but in the end it has been worth it.
- Lead by Example
Children naturally follow. That is how they learn about the world around them. They mimic what they hear and see. For good or bad. My toddler loves to tell me to leave her alone and that I’m making her frustrated. Because I tell her to leave me alone when I’m going to the bathroom or when she is making me frustrated. It goes both ways. But she also says sorry when she hurts someone or does something because that is what she hears from her parents.
My husband and I make sure to say please and thank you often. It is a habit for us now and since our daughter sees us do it she naturally has caught on to it as well. Even when we are out and about we make sure to use manners. I say excuse me in stores. I say thank you to waiters and waitresses. Making the vocabulary a part of who you are will help 100%. Children love to mimic, so give them good things to mimic.
- Remind
Along with showing my daughter how to use manners I also have to remind her. Whenever I get her something I remind her to say thank you. I also will not get her something if she doesn’t say please. I didn’t want my daughter to be demanding and simply expect things from others. I make sure she knows that she won’t receive something unless she asks nicely. It takes a few times for her to understand what I am waiting for but then she asks politely.
I don’t know about anyone else but when kids demand it comes off whiny and then when they ask nicely the whining instantly goes away. This happens every time with my daughter. She comes to me and wants something but in a whiny voice, then when she asks nicely the whiny voice goes away and she uses a normal voice. I do not know what it is about asking nicely that changes her voice but I do not like whining. If asking nicely takes the whining away I am all for that.
- Praise
This is a big one! Kids love to be praised, they thrive on the attention. I make sure to say you’re welcome when my daughter says thank you. I try to praise her when I see her being polite and kind to those around her. Am I perfect? No. But no one is. I want my daughter to know that it is a great thing in my eyes when she is kind and polite. Kids will do things more often if they receive attention for it. Good or bad. If they are doing something wrong and receive lots of attention they will continue to do those things, like tantrums. On the flip side, if a child receives attention for doing good things they will repeat, like using manners.
- Be Patient
Habits take time to develop. Your child is not going to magically have manners in one day because you taught them the words. This is going to be a forever process. I have been working with my daughter to ask for things nicely for a year and her first reaction for asking is still “I want….” instead of “Can I please have…” It is going to take continuous effort. But it will be worth it. I love that my daughter now automatically says thank you to other people when they give her something. It makes my mama heart proud. Be patient and consistent. They are learning and developing the skills even if it doesn’t seem like they are.
A fun way to keep reminding kids of manners are books. Kids pick up more on things that are made into something fun and different. Rather than just being told over and over again. Here are some of my favorites:
Manners are a big deal for my house. I think they are important and that they make all the difference. Manners teach children that the world is not all about them. It teaches empathy and compassion. It is the foundation for respect for others. I want my children to be Christ-like and I know that I am far from it. But I also believe that by having manners it sets the foundation for children to get to that level. They will make mistakes but they will have the foundation.
What are ways that you have taught your children to be polite? Tell me in the comments.
