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I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I knew that I did not want anyone raising my babies but me. I wanted to be there for all their firsts. I also knew that being a mother was a divine calling from God. It is one of my purposes here on earth, to raise children. I had a grand vision in my mind of what motherhood would be like. I would sign them up for activities and go on fun adventures and create a beautiful, magical childhood for them. Obviously, things have not gone the way I envisioned.
I hope I am creating a wonderful childhood for my children but not everyday is magical. Honestly, most days are mundane and monotonous. This was not what I was expecting when I became a mother. There are really lonely days when you are a mom. Days when you are counting down until your husband comes home just to have an adult to talk to. Days where you feel you might explode if you have to be in the house for one more minute. Days when you feel like everyone has forgotten you and you are completely alone.
I have felt like this. I still do at times. Seems like a never ending roller coaster sometimes. Some days or months are fun and wonderful where I feel like I am killing it at the mother thing. Then there are some days and months where I feel alone, especially during COVID-19. Where it seems like I am in a box and can no longer get out and do more, but there have been things that have helped me through these lonely times.
- Tell Your Partner
This one is the biggest one. Oftentimes my husband has no idea that I am struggling as much as I am. If women are great at anything it is hiding our emotions. Simply opening up to my husband and telling him that I am struggling has done wonders for me. Letting someone know that you are not perfect and that life is hard means that you can have help. When I have opened up to my husband that I am going a little crazy or that I am lonely he either tries to come home early or he gives me ideas on what to do. Just letting someone know that you are having a rough time lifts the burden of loneliness.
- Exercise
It is amazing what exercise does for the body! I feel like a totally different person every time I exercise. Getting the endorphins released can do wonders for the body and mind. When the coronavirus hit and everything went into lockdown I was hurting. I could no longer go to the gym and get a workout in. I quickly spiraled down. I am not one to wake up super early to get a run in before my husband leaves for work. I cherish sleep too much. So I had to get creative. I have a bike and I looked up how I could carry kids with me. I found these:
These are great! I strap in one kid on the front and one on the back and we get going. We go out in the mornings after breakfast. It is amazing what this even does for the kiddos. Starting the day with some fresh air is amazing, for me and my kids. The one that goes on the front is only $99 if you get a different color!
- Reach out to Friends or Family
I do not have many friends that reach out to me. It seems that I have to be the one to reach out to them. This can be a hard thing to do when you are feeling down and lonely. You feel as though no one cares and that everyone must be too busy to do anything. This can be true. But what I have found is that they can be struggling too. By contacting them you are lifting them up as well as yourself. Play dates are a must for me. My daughter is a social butterfly and I have noticed that when we have play dates she is a lot happier. Play dates are beneficial for both of us. I get to have a conversation with another mom and my daughter gets to be social. If you do not have mom friends look into church groups or go hang out at a park and see if there is another mom alone too.
- Self-care
This one is the hardest for me to accept that I need and then to actually do. But when I simply go and get my toes done for an hour I feel rejuvenated. I know that I often feel guilty for doing anything for myself. Or even something that I can’t do with the whole family. But I have to remember that by taking a small break one day will make me a better mom. Becoming overwhelmed and discouraged isn’t good for anyone. My loneliness and sadness rubs off on my kids, They can tell when mama is not 100%. So I take breaks. A bubble bath while husband watches the kids, face masks. Even just going to the store and getting special treats just for you after the kids go to sleep feels amazing!
5. Get Busy
When I am feeling especially lonely I have zero motivation to do anything. I seem to get in the mindset of “why does it even matter.” I see no point in doing something today when I know I have nothing going on everyday that week. This often makes the loneliness worse because I became more and more sad that I have nothing going on. I have noticed that when I work on projects around the house (cleaning, yardwork, to-do lists) I feel a lot more accomplished each day. Sometimes I have big projects like painting or redoing a room, but most of the time it is cleaning and getting my house in order. But even the boring chores make me feel a ton better during and after. I have a notebook on my counter and each week I will write a to-do list of the things I want to get done each day. This helps me keep focus everyday and allows me to know what is coming for the week. Get Busy! Get moving throughout the day. Focusing on something else will help you feel like you matter and that you are doing things besides watching kids all day.
6. Plead for Strength
God is always there. Even when I do not feel Him. He is there. There have been times when I have felt so completely defeated that all I can do is fall on my knees and plead for strength to get through. There have been times when I have felt angels helping me. Whether it is energy to get through the day or a friend reaching out to me to hang out. God is aware of our struggles and hardships. Sometimes, He is simply waiting for us to reach out to Him so that He can help.
Motherhood is not at all what I expected it to be. But more than tantrums and dirty diapers all day, I didn’t expect the loneliness that can come. I didn’t think that I would get tired of being a mom at times. There are days when I want to scream and hide for 10 minutes. I have also learned that loneliness passes, sometimes more quickly than other times. But it does pass. Jeffrey R. Holland said once (and I have to remember often) “To all mothers in every circumstance, including those that struggle, I say, ‘Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are.”
How have you handled loneliness as a mother? Let me know in the comments!
