How to Help Your Child Feel Safe Asking About Sex

This is a topic that is often avoided among Christians. Sex seems to be a taboo subject and not discussed much. I grew up in a very Christian home with the belief that you save yourself for marriage. I never questioned it, I knew that was the right thing to do. And now that I am married I am extremely grateful that I was able to save that part of me for my husband, and him for me. It brought a sense of security in our marriage and with each other. But that could be a whole other article within itself. 

Sex. It was a word that I cringed on when I was younger. I knew what it was but never talked about it. In church we were simply taught to remain chaste and pure for marriage. But it was never talked about beyond that. It was like we were not allowed to think about it or ask questions, if we did then we would be thought of as being rebellious. 

Of course, there were kids that did things and discovered things on their own. I never felt the inclination to rebel in this way but I do wish that it was a more open subject. I wish that I didn’t feel awkward asking questions about sex. Instead I learned what things were from peers and what they did. I heard the jokes and even had friends take in upon themselves to “educate me” about sex. Looking back I laugh about it and shrug it off as just being a teenager. But looking back, I had an inner battle when these conversations arose. Should I listen (I’m sorry, but all teenagers are curious) or should I try and tune them out and go on with my naive life? I feel like there is an in between that can happen. There doesn’t need to be in depth conversions about sex but I also feel like questions should be able to be asked with judgement. 

1. Stop the awkwardness

    In order for kids to feel comfortable about asking about sex then the awkwardness around the subject needs to end. If there should be anyone that a child turns to, it should be their parents. I know I felt extremely awkward asking questions. I don’t remember ever having the “talk” as a child. I learned it through peers and school. Even my period I kind of figured out on my own. Some of this was probably on me as I was a shy child and did not want to talk about this stuff. But there were times when I wished my parents would have taken the steps to alleviate the awkward. 

Now, I grew up in an open household. In the terms of my parents would make out in front of us and my dad was never shy about how much he wanted my mom *cringe*. We knew my parents loved each other but when it came down to asking questions and feeling comfortable doing that it felt awkward and weird. I think parents, even more so today, need to make these subjects just a normal thing to talk about. I teach my kids the proper terms for their bodies, penis and vagina. That is the start. If those things are awkward for you then make it not awkward. 

2. Go to your child first

    A big thing that parents should do is go to their child first. Sit your child down and talk about things that may be uncomfortable. But do it on a continuous basis. Make the effort to mature the conversation as your child grows. Obviously the first initial “talk” should not go into details and should be pretty basic but that basic conversation is not going to hold them forever. I had an Aunt that made her sons read a pamphlet from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints about sex and what women go through with periods. She has all sons and I was impressed that she had her sons learn about women. After this, she sat down and talked to them and answered questions. She didn’t sugar coat things and told them that sex was great but what makes it great is doing it with someone you love. A person that you saved yourself for. I was impressed with the way she approached it. I am sure it was awkward for her sons but I bet they are grateful for that knowledge. My aunt knew that locker rooms are a place that boys like to talk big game and she wanted to prepare her sons for that. She knew that teenagers are weird and that things needed to be said and taught so that her sons didn’t learn it from others. She went to them first. 

3. If you don’t someone else will

    I have mentioned this a couple of times but if you are unwilling to talk to your kids about sex someone else will. Best case scenario it is friends and they are jokingly “teaching” and messing around. But there is a darker side to not talking to your child openly about sex. Pornography. This is the monster that is slowly ripping the world apart. Even though we see the bad that pornography brings, kids and teenagers don’t. You can warn them and teach them but sometimes curiosity gets the better of them. It probably won’t even start as them actively searching for it. More than likely it will start with a friend that shows them a picture and then it will escalate from there. If you don’t talk about sex with your child someone else will. 

I know for many Christians sex is an awkward topic. I get that. I was that. Now I am not saying that anyone should make sex a casual topic. Because it is not. It is sacred. Sex is sacred. It is a beautiful thing that man and woman share. I believe that it should be held in a sacred regard that it is best saved for marriage. But I also know that the world we live in, it is increasingly becoming all about pleasure and immediate gratification. And it is targeting teenagers. If you don’t have serious talks and build that trust then the world will take over and the world has no mercy. Sex should be a safe subject for kids to talk about with parents. It is an amazing gift of intimacy and connection that God has given us.

How do you feel about sex? Was it awkward for you? Do you plan on doing things different with your own children? Let me know in the comments!