Powerful Interview About the Struggles of Infertility Part 2

Our goal in doing these interviews was to shed a light on the world of infertility. It is a world the more and more are experiencing but it still seems to be somewhat of a taboo subject. I think many of us, including me, are not sure how to act or what to say. I know that I often felt awkward that I did not know more or even realized what my sister was going through. Asking these questions has opened my eyes and I hope it does the same for others. 

In this session of the interview I dived a little deeper to find more of the personal affect that infertility has had on my sister. She has had to deal with a lot of emotions and has had to make even harder decisions. Infertility is not easy and it doesn’t matter who has been through it, everyone handles it differently. But that doesn’t mean that we all can’t be more understanding.

Why not just jump right in and do the extreme IUI or IVF?

This is a question that each couple has to ask themselves and prepare for. For each couple their plan will be different. Some will go straight to a fertility specialist when they sense something isn’t working. Some will decide to take more time naturally before jumping into all that craziness, and some will go to their OBGYN and get medication to see if that helps the process along. Each couple needs to discuss what they want and are willing to do. It is a lot to take on, and if both people aren’t ready for it, it can become too much too fast. 

What was your experience with Clomid (infertility drug) like? 

I may have been a rare case but I absolutely hated my experience with Clomid. I know a lot of other people do not get many symptoms and they don’t mind clomid but sadly this was not the case for myself. Clomid is an ovulation inducer. It is typically given to women that are not ovulating or who ovulate irregularly. Clomid is also given to those that have infertility because it is a cheaper and easier first step. Instead of seeing a fertility specialist, you get this medication from your OBGYN. With my experience, I have the most regular cycles out there, so much that I am on my period on the 4th of July every single year. It is so regular! So I knew I was ovulating each month, and to confirm that I was taking ovulation tests. So I did not have the need of inducing ovulation but my doctor told me Clomid then promotes a “super-ovulation”, meaning your body can make more potent eggs or even multiple eggs. 

The symptoms that I felt on Clomid were pretty consistent each month. I would take Clomid day 3-7 of my period. During this time, I was extremely emotional and weepy. Once I started crying because my instagram got new followers. My husband was definitely shocked each month but was a trooper. Throughout the month I was honestly a little tyrant. I was mean all the time, I did not care what anyone thought and I was honestly grouchy most of the time. It also gave me the worst headaches. People say that it can make you dehydrated so that probably didn’t help either. Also, one of the weird symptoms that I saw was that Clomid made me feel super unmotivated. I am the type of person that is a go-getter and always busy. On Clomid I just wanted to lay in my bed all day and do nothing. One day after work, I went straight home and into my bed. My husband got home a little later and was very concerned because I was just lying there staring at a wall. Then during my fertile window or around your ovulation time, I had the absolute worst stomach pain and cramps. It almost felt like I was on my period each time. It was awful. Then I would get past that point and be okay but then start my period a couple weeks later and the cycle would repeat. It is safe to say, I did not like the way Clomid made me feel. 

How do you remind yourself to remember your husband’s perspective?

It can be very difficult at times to remember that you are not the only one going through this journey. You are the one taking the hormone medication, you are the one getting your period month after month, you are the one with the crazy hormone, etc. But I had to reflect and realize that not only have I been dreaming of being a mother, but he is also dreaming of becoming a father. Also, it would be so difficult to watch the person that you love most in the world struggle. My husband chooses to put up a strong front most of the time so that he can be my rock and I am so very blessed for this but there are times when he needs to allow himself to feel those emotions, and I need to be his rock at those times. So don’t forget that your husband is feeling a whole lot of pain and worry as well. 

Why wait to have your husband tested? 

This is another decision that is based on the couple. Some couples choose to get all the testing done right at the beginning and some wait. We have chosen to wait because I have fear of the results but also if someone told me that the only way to have a baby would be IVF, I would want to do that ASAP. We are not ready for that step. Plus I believe that each of these small steps are preparing myself and my husband for possible IVF one day. They haven’t gotten us pregnant but have prepared my heart a little more. It is all a journey, but it’s our journey so we get to decide how we want to take it. 

Is it hard to see and hear about friends having babies?

At times it can be very difficult to see other people have kids. In the beginning it was the worst, but your heart puts up walls over time to lessen the pain. I have wanted babies since I got married but promised my husband that we would not start trying until he was ready. Parenting changes everything and we both needed to be ready for it. So we waited over two years before even considering it. It can be hard to see people have babies that do not seem ready while we are extremely ready and have no babies. I am never mad at people for having babies, it is more of a disappointment that it has not happened for us yet. 

Where are you in the infertility journey now?

We did Clomid for 4 cycles with no luck. My husband and I decided that it was best to stop Clomid. I was already ovulating so I don’t necessarily need an ovulation inducer. Besides that, he knew how much it was affecting my body and mental health so we decided it wasn’t worth the pain if it wasn’t working. We have agreed that we both need a break from the worry and stress of infertility. Luckily we are young so we do not have to jump straight to seeing a fertility specialist. But even if we were older, I would need this break. We prayed about it and feel great! Others may not understand why we chose to stop the medication or are waiting for the next step, but it has lifted such a weight off of our shoulders. I had a recent experience where I was in a dark place and I was praying to my Heavenly Father and I just decided to vent it out to him. After my little prayer, I remember sitting there and thinking “man this is hard” and the spirit came to me and said “I know, I am with you”. This was one of the most tender experiences of my entire life and it made me realize that God really does have a plan for my little family and He is with us along our journey. 

What is your advice to others going through infertility? 

To those struggling with infertility, I am so sorry. It is one of the worst things you can go through and there is nothing that someone can say to make you feel better. You probably won’t see the light at the end of the tunnel until you see that positive pregnancy test. But you need to know you are not alone and people love you and you will come out of this. One of the biggest blessings is that once you do get to grow your family, you will be so grateful and appreciative of those little kiddos. 

I have so much advice! The list would go on and on but I will share what I think is the most important. First, make sure you and your husband or partner communicate everything. Talk about plans, talk about how you’re feeling, talk about literally everything. You will need each other more than ever before. And with that, don’t cut out your husband during this journey. He is in pain as well and wants a family just as bad, remember that. Secondly, advice from others is great but make sure you do what you feel is right for your body and your family. Also, if you need a break from “trying”, do it! A little break isn’t going to lessen your chances of getting pregnant but may help you and your mental health. Thirdly, find something that you love. It is so easy to be consumed by the darkness of infertility, but you will need to pull yourself out of that so buy a cute puppy or find a new hobby or take tons of vacations together, do anything that will bring light to your life and combat that darkness. 

Thank you for reading this amazing interview about infertility! Make sure to leave your thoughts or questions in the comments!

Powerful Interview about the Struggles of Infertility Part 1