I was raised in a home where Christ and faith were the center. I grew up knowing about Christ and God, that they loved me and they were there for me. I never had a reason to doubt this. I had faith in what my parents taught me. I knew what they taught they believed to be true themselves. I never understood how or why people struggled with their faith. Or even how anyone could ever doubt God?
As you can tell I was naive. For a long time faith was something I naturally had. If something was not going my way then I kept the course and trusted that God would straighten things out eventually (which He does). But then I reached moments where my naive world bursted and it was extremely hard for me to get through these faith challenging experiences (I never had to before).
The first time it happened I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I started strong and diligent, teaching and telling people of Christ. One of the most important things that I did was to testify of Christ, of His power and what He could do in their lives. I had a great time and was making amazing friends. I felt empowered by God. But then I didn’t. I went through a time where no one wanted to hear about Christ. Where people threw my religion, my beliefs, everything I was, right back at me. They were cruel and did not care that I was a 19 year old girl just trying to share my love of Christ with those around me.
The second time was not so much of a big one time event but gradual progress where I felt like God wasn’t listening to me anymore. That no matter what I prayed for or how hard I tried to see His hands in my life, all I received was silence. This one was harder for me to understand. Why would God abandon me? Why was He not helping me? What did I do wrong?
These times in my life happened and I got through them, hopefully stronger on the other end. There were lessons I learned through the silence and the doubt I experienced. I hope to share those with you to help you. If you feel as though God has forgotten you, I promise He hasn’t. Sometimes in this life we have to learn on our own. During these times God is silent, watching over us, just silent. These are the lessons I learned:
- Refiner’s fire
“For he is like a refiner’s fire, and like a fuller’s soap. And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; and he shall purify… and purge them as gold and silver” (3 Nephi 24:2-3). There are times in life that in order for God to make us who He needs us to be he refines us. He “burns” us down to get rid of our impurities so He can mold and purify us to become something more beautiful. This is what I went through on my mission. God needed to refine me and so I had to go through hard things. I had to listen to people that made me feel silly and unintelligent for believing what I did. I had to question everything I ever trusted and believed. But by going through it I was able to more fully anchor my soul in the things that I knew. I knew God was real and that His son sacrificed himself for me. I knew the Book of Mormon was true and that it was the word of God. This is what I lived on for months as a missionary. Those simple truths. It was all I had. But because my faith is anchored on those solid truths my faith is not able to be rocked by anyone. I was refined and purified. God taught me to anchor myself to the truths that would see me through anything. If I did not go through my refiner’s fire I would not be who I am today.
- Learn Patience in God’s Timing
“Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith” (Mosiah 23:21). Just because you believe in God and follow Him and His Son does not mean you are exempt from the trials of life. We have to go through hard things. God tries us. He wants us to go to Him and for us to give all we are to Him. There have been many times where I do not understand why I am going through the things I am. I am doing all that I am supposed to do and yet life feels as though it is attacking me. These are the moments that God taught me patience. He sees the bigger picture. He sees what I need to go through to become greater. God is always there even in trials. He cannot prevent life from happening but he is there to see us through it.
- God is Silent
“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me… O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not” (Psalm 22: 1-2). I believe there are times when God makes us learn things on our own. Call it a test, He gives us the tools and has taught us how to use them. Then He allows us to put what we learn into practice. There are times when I have felt utterly and entirely alone. Where I felt as if God had forgotten about me, that He no longer cared.
What I learned in the silence was not that God forsake me but that He trusted me. He trusted that I would make the right decisions. I was taught to trust in God in all things, but God also trusts us. He knows us perfectly. He knows that we can do things on our own even if it is scary and seems impossible. When I have felt as though God was silent was because He trusted me to do it on my own. And looking back He was there watching over me.
- Be Humble
“And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will i make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12: 27). Pride is an attribute that takes a person over more than any other, in my eyes. We all seem to have moments in our lives where we feel as if we do not need God. That we can figure it out and do just fine without Him. I have done this, multiple times. You think I would learn right? But I am human, we all are. But realizing we are being prideful and humbling ourselves before God is the most wonderful feeling. It takes a lot to humble yourself (trust me, been there) but when you do I have only felt love. God does not hold a grudge. He is so happy when we go to Him in our mistakes and ask for forgiveness. He loves us. Being humble allows God to step in do the things that we cannot do on our own.
Life is hard. Sometimes God teaches us lessons in hard ways and sometimes we do it to ourselves. The one thing I know is that He is always there, seen and unseen. He lifts us when we feel weak. I have gone through moments in my life where I felt as though God forgot about me. Where I felt so weak that all I could do was get on my knees and plead for help. In those moments I felt encircled in love. God is always there. We sometimes have to go through the storm in order to see the rainbow. You are loved.
